How To Fall In Love When You Aren’t Feeling It

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. ~ John 15:12
It has been said that the happiest people are married and the unhappiest people are married. I am one of the happiest…but it wasn’t always that way. There was a time in our marriage when we quarreled a lot. We could take the smallest disagreement and escalate it into a major argument. It is hard to feel loved or loving in the midst of so much squabbling. Adding an extra stressor to our relationship, we worked together in business.At work we were both high achievers and accomplished great success. We put similar energy into our family. We were involved in our son’s activities and took amazing family vacations.On the outside, we had picture-perfect lives. On the inside, we were hurting. It felt like we were more business partners and roommates than adoring husband and wife. With all of our success, it was hard to believe that our marriage was destined to be so mediocre. As a result I felt lonely and I even battled depression at times.So what happened to move us from mediocre to SENSATIONAL? One day, in desperation, I went to the beach and cried out to God over the roaring waves. I was broken. God got hold of my heart that day and reminded me that the greatest lesson Jesus taught was for us to love. God wanted me to show my love to Him by loving my husband, as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
I felt convicted. I was not loving Ed as Jesus modeled. I started to follow God’s example. I expected Ed to respond in kind. When he didn’t, I got angry. I reverted back to my old negative patterns.God reminded me that His love is unconditional. It is not self-seekingI needed to stay the course regardless of how my husband responded or how I felt. When Ed finally began to see a genuine change in me, it was then that God began to work on his heart, too. When we began to love like Jesus, God took what was broken in us and made it new.Today, we are not perfect, but we have the ability to get back on track quickly. I am married to the most amazing, godly man. The love that is felt in our marriage is expressed daily in beautiful ways. Ed is easy for me to love. My biggest challenge now is that he is so loving, giving, and always looking out for my best interest that I can’t keep things even close to equal.If you are struggling with having loving feelings towards your spouse, love them like Jesus modeled. Do it out of your love for God and trust Him to soften your spouses heart.

We invite you to view additional resources we offer at

May God bless and keep you in His loving care!

Ed and Angie Wright

P.S. You can also follow us on our new Marriage by God Facebook page for daily tips on how to enrich your marriage. Click here and “like” our page!