How To Make Your Marriage a “10”

“There is not more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship,
communion or company than a good marriage”. Martin Luther
Rob and Ashley had been married for 15 years when they decided to go through Marriage Mentoring with Angie and me. Rob was very successful in his career of selling medical products. He could not say the same about his marriage.

In our introductory meeting with Rob and Ashley, we asked them, “On a scale of 1 to 10, ten being best, how would you rate your marriage over the past twelve months?” I first asked Rob this question. He pondered it for several seconds before he said, “Maybe a three.” His wife concurred. We then asked, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the effort you put into your marriage over the last twelve months?” Both Rob and Ashley agreed their effort was a three as well.
We ask each couple we meet with these same two questions. The couples almost always rate their marriage and the effort they put into their marriage with the same number. This simple truth reminds me of a story I once heard. In the story, a man meets with a divorce attorney and tells the attorney that he not only wants a divorce, but he wants to give his wife the greatest amount of grief possible. The attorney comes up with the perfect plan. Go back to your wife and be the most incredible husband possible for the next 90 days. Then come back to me and we will file for divorce. This will devastate her. The husband liked this plan and went back to his wife and was the best husband possible for 90 days. The attorney called back in 90 days to set an appointment to start the divorce proceedings. The husband responded, “Are you kidding, divorce?! I am married to the most wonderful woman on the planet.” He found out the truth in the saying, “If you want a good wife, then be a good husband.” Of course this works for wives as well.

As for Rob, it was at the end of our first mentoring session. We had just ended in prayer and were finishing up with some small talk when I asked him, “What is it that makes you so successful in your career?” He told me that I couldn’t find another sales representative who works harder for or cares more about their clients than he does.  At this point his guard was down, so I asked him what he thought would happen if he applied these same principles to his marriage?  He dropped his head into his hands for a moment and then looked up at me. He said, “I get it.” From that point on, both Rob and Ashley understood the formula for a great marriage was putting Christ at the center and putting the same kind effort into their marriage that they had their courtship. The last time I asked Rob to rate his marriage he said, “It’s a 9…and getting better!”

 May God bless and keep you in His loving care!

Ed and Angie Wright

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