The Secret to a More Vibrant Marriage

Keeping the home fires warm is one of the best ways to protect your marriage. A marriage is most vulnerable to a spouse seeking validation outside of the marriage when things get cold at home. A husband and wife are meant to meet each other’s emotional and physical intimacy needs, but God created them with uniquely different needs and responses. 

In general, a woman needs to feel a sense of emotional intimacy with her husband in order to desire him sexually. If a wife is experiencing tension with her husband or is physically exhausted, making love will likely be the last thing on her mind. Husbands should invest in creating an emotional oneness with their wives as the first step in foreplay. Consider setting the environment early in the day through a loving note, calling from work to say “I love you,” listening to her and connecting with her emotionally, relieving her of some of the demands of her daily chores, or providing time for her to unwind with a bubble bath. A husband will honor God by being a student of his wife, developing a greater capacity for emotional intimacy, and giving special attention to the environment that will light her fire.

Whereas a wife will desire sexual intimacy if she is feeling a oneness with her husband, a husband will be drawn into a stronger emotional intimacy with his wife through sex. A man can still be sexually attracted to his wife and desire sexual intimacy even if there is tension in the marriage. If he is feeling exhausted, he probably won’t want to invest in emotional intimacy, but he may enjoy engaging in lovemaking as a release from tension and exhaustion. Husbands typically have higher sex drives than their wives. There is a legitimate biological reason that a man needs more regular sex. A husband is physically satisfied right after sexual intimacy. Then as sperm begins to build again in his testicles, the physical need intensifies for a man to experience sexual release. As this happens he has more sexual thoughts and is more easily aroused. Just as your body tells you when you are hungry, thirsty, or tired, a man’s body also tells him when he needs sexual release. A wife should be sensitive to meeting her husband’s physical needs. The good news is that a man who has his physical needs met by his wife is usually more engaged in meeting her emotional needs.

Keep your spouse’s sexual needs a priority. The sex drive between husbands and wives is rarely equal. There will be times when one spouse is more interested in sex than the other. True love involves selflessness and putting our spouses needs above our own. Look to meet your spouse’s sexual needs even if you are not in the mood because it is the loving thing to do. Remember, when love is felt at home, there is no need to go looking for it elsewhere.