The Secret to Getting Your Spouse to Treat You Like a King or Queen

About nine years ago, my husband, Ed, came up with an idea that demonstrates how to intentionally serve one another in love. He suggested that we start a weekly tradition of being king or queen for the day. This little exercise helps us understand and better communicate how we can each meet the other’s needs and desires in our marriage.

We started by each choosing one-day a week that would be our special day. I (Angie) chose Friday. So every Friday I get treated like royalty. Ed wakes me up with a nice back rub; he warms my towel in the dryer and hands it to me as I exit the shower; he washes my car and fills it with gas; he sends me loving texts throughout the day. Saturday is Ed’s day to be king. On Saturday I treat Ed like royalty. I wake Ed up with a back rub; bring coffee to him in bed; surprise him with sweet little love notes throughout the house; give him a head massage; run errands for him; and make him his favorite dinner. We both look for other extra special things to do for each other throughout the day.

At first, it was hard for me to tell Ed what I would like on my special day. I had a hard time feeling worthy. Over time, I realized that when we both give and receive, we develop a closer, more loving intimacy in our relationship. Now we each openly share with one another what would make us feel special. Ed especially likes that he doesn’t have to try to read my mind.

Today we have fun coming up with new and creative ways to treat each other special. The best outcome has been that this exercise ensures that if our relationship gets off track, we will be back on course by Friday and Saturday.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death — even death on a cross!  ~ Philippians 2:3-8

As Christ followers in our marriages, we should each seek to glorify God with our lives by having servants hearts towards our spouses ~ regardless of how they behave towards us. However, we don’t naturally default to having a servant’s heart. We need to find a way to be intentional about it. Sometimes a silly game can be a real relationship-changer!